Toothless in a crisis
by white aspen
Summary: Some three months after the fight with the dragon queen, Hiccup confesses to Toothless that he is the one that shot him down, injuring him. The shocked dragon falls back in a bitter state of mind. But someone is intent on helping both him and Hiccup.
1. He told me

**Toothless in a crisis **

**Toothless the dragon goes into a major crisis. For some three months after the fight with the dragon queen, Hiccup confessed that he is actually the one that shot him down. This damaged his tailfin and robbed him of flight. The shocked and depressed dragon falls back on his former state of mind: being mistrustful, bitter and dismissive.  
><strong>**But someone is intent on helping both him and Hiccup, who is desperate. **

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Cressida Cowell and DreamWorks.**

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**He told me. **

We know each other for some time now. He had been nervous for a couple of days already. Then, with a pale face, he had called me by my name: Toothless. A lame name he gave me because I have retractable fangs. He then approached me with the uneven step of his natural foot and his iron foot. The one he lost when we both crashed after that terrible fight. He then spoke to me and told me that it was he that shot me out of the air and made me fall down from the sky. So that was the reason he found me, all entangled in ropes. Because he came searching for his catch.

I was shocked, beside myself. So, it was he that shot me down, sending me crashing through the trees, which ripped off one half of my tailfin? I had never asked myself who it could have been, a vague notion maybe that it had been one of the bulky warriors that battled my kind. But not this soft, little human. The one that befriended me. _THIS __HURTS, __this __hurts __so __much. _I backed away from him in sheer unbelief. Then suddenly a loathing gripped me and I ran off into the forest. I heard him cry after me, but that meant nothing to me.

I ran and ran, but could not outrun the pain. _No, __no. __It __was __you __that __shot __me __down, __forever __crippling __me. __I __know __we __were __at __war, __then. __But __that __you __were __the __one. __That __it __had __been __you, __my __friend. __I __CAME __TO __TRUST __YOU. _I felt betrayed and whined as a dragon rarely does. I ran further and further into the woods, until I came out of it and had arrived at a meadow next to a cliff that steeply fell away into the sea. I never had been here before.

I paced the meadow, getting ever more angry. _MY __TAILFIN. __My __capability __to __fly! __Gone! _For without a proper steer I could not gain height or fly a straight line anymore. Just flap around a bit. The full shock of it, so long held back, washed over me. And I let it out, smiting and singing trees. _My __honour, __my __pride. __Gone! __My __independence, __solitude. __Gone! __My __play __with __the __winds, __pitting __myself __against __a __storm, __soaring __the __heavens __under __moon __and __stars. __Gone. __Gone. __Gone. __ALL __GONE._

_And __you, __my __dear __friend, __what __about __you? __What __was __the __motive __that __guided __all __your __later __actions? __And __why __did __you __not __finish __me __off __in __the __first __place ,__when __you __had __your __knife __at __my __throat? _As that had been the only possible outcome in centuries of conflict between men and dragon. One slash and I would not have suffered like this. However frightened I was when I saw the knife ready for the plunge, at least it would have been brief agony. Isn't he a weakling, in body and in mind? _No, __he __isn__'__t_. But how is it that this tears my hear apart? How then did he have the strength to throw the heavy ropes so high up that they entangled me in flight? A puzzle.

_But __I __didn__'__t __know __it __was __you __and __two __days __later __I __touched __the __hand __that __had __crippled __me __in __friendship. __Disgusting. __Why __you. __WHY._

_And __above __all, __you __stole __my __heart._ A dragon's heart! How did he lure me into surrendering it? Perhaps he tricked me, when he scribbled something in the sand? Or enchanted me when he stepped, danced, through the drawing I made in the sand? For that had been truly mesmerising . . . I should have killed him days before, when I had him pinned down under my claw, just after he cut me loose from the ropes. For I do not lack killer instinct. Why did I not do it, it was the natural thing to do: crush him like the smallest of prey. I, who had the potential to grow into one of the most magnificent and fearsome of dragons, being fearsome already, I did not kill. _You __took __my __heart __and __everything __else __away __from __me. __You __THIEF. __Deceiver!_

I have changed, but what have I become? A shadow of my former self, like a tame beast. Careful with my strength, so I would not knock things over in the village, careful with my glances, so nobody would get upset. Still people look at me with reserve when I walk by. _WALK. __How __degrading __is __that! _Once full grown, I would have come crashing down from the sky, diving down on them so fast they wouldn't know what hit them. In one swoop striking down the mightiest of their warriors. _Enemy-thinking, __this __is. __Don__'__t __return __to __the __old __ways, __you, __they __were __no __good __either. __Things __have __changed, __haven__'__t __they? _But what dragon have I become when I do not dare to breathe or cast fire, for fear the people would throw me out? This village is all that is left to me. I am at their mercy, for without the help of Hiccup and the villagers, I cannot survive. This is not the way a dragon should live. How can I live without honour? I don't know myself anymore. I lost too much. Nothing is left to me.


	2. A visitor

**A visitor**

Spent, I lay down and my thoughts went blanc. I just lay there and saw sun and moon circle the sky. My heart, that had felt so wonderful for a short time, lay as a cold stone in my chest. What if I just turned into stone completely, as legend says a dragon can do?

My stomach growled. _Silence!__You __have __become __lazy, __you __knew __periods __of __starvation __before, __so __keep __quiet! _Again the sun arched up. That day I saw dragons with people on them, clearly a search party. One spotted me and came near. I growled him and his human away. Another night and a new day. At the end of the morning I heard a rustling in the wood, people coming my way. _Keep __away, __you __all. _Aah, if I just could fly away! I turned myself around to give them a run for their lives and roast their heels. The rustling stilled and just one human came near with an light uneven step. _Ooooh __no. __Not __YOU. __You __least __of __all_.

But, to my surprise, the village elder came shuffling out of the trees. _So __you __brought __the __elder! __How __smart __of __you, __how __very __clever!_ She is the only one I would not chase away, for a dragon always respects wisdom. So I curbed my snarl and gave her a bow, the proper thing to do. "Tat, tat, don't you wear yourself out, dragon". And she passed me by. "It's just me, I sent the men off, they will pick me up later".

She shuffled over to a boulder to seat herself. Being too amazed, I had not respectfully accompanied her, as I should have done, but now sat down politely nearby.

"How polite! What a well-behaved dragon you are."

_Thank __you.__._Oh. But NO, these cunning elder, they play with you. Polite! If she would have been anyone else, I would have given her more politeness than she could chew!

"Nice spot you picked, Toothless".

_Oh, __PLEASE, __elder!__You __came __to __lecture __me, __what __else __did __you __come __for?_ Though . . actually, now that I realize it, it IS a nice spot with a beautiful view.

_Don__'__t __go __stupid, __you. __The __elder __always __do __that: __they __unbalance __you __so __it __clears __the __way __for __their __message __to __hit __the __target. _Clearly it is the same with the elder of the human kind.

Just a bit of curiosity crept in. How would she lecture me? What angle would she choose?  
>"Hiccup loves you<em>?<em>_" __So __what! __That __does __not __grow __my __tailfin __back. __Love. __If __this __is __what __it __means, __I __most __graciously __decline. __His __precious __love __bound __me __tighter __than __the __iron __chains __his __fellow-humans __put __on __me __once! __What __is __love __when __it __smothers __your __instincts, __bends __you __down __until __you __are __nothing __more __than __a __pet, __happy __to __lick __the __hand __of __its __master. __Gah__.__.__.  
><em>"He and everyone else cared for you?" True. _Oh __shut __up. __They __stole __from __me __the __secret __of __the __way __to __the __dragons __nest, __using __my __instincts __against __me, __against __my __kind. __They __stole __every __bit __of __dignity __I __had. __Thieves, __thieves, __all __of __them__.__.__.  
><em>_Black thoughts, that, dragon. __SO __WHAT. __I __am __a __black __beast, __black __thoughts __SUIT __ME._

Then the elder spoke: "It doesn't suit you, such an ugly face".

_Ah, you put me down as if I were a yearling dragon. A little slap in my face to start with. What comes next? _

But nothing more came. In fact, the elder just happily sniffed the air, made herself a bit more comfortable and enjoyed the view. "Nice view, it is a very fine day."

_Oh, __COME __ON. __Will __you __just __start __and __have __it __over __with!_

"If I were a fish, I would jump out of the water, just to see the beauty of the clouds."

_FISH._ My stomach answered with a growl. Quickly I flattened myself on my belly to still the noise.  
>She had a point though: it was a very fine day. Not often is it clear like this, you know. You could even discern the little islands far off. The sunlight reflected from the surface of the sea as beautifully as it would spark off the scales of a dragon. I sniffed the breeze and relaxed somewhat.<p>

Actually, it is nice to have her near. In the village she mostly ignores me, while the others give me curious looks, always from a distance: such a unique beast, once such a formidable enemy. But she only on very few occasions gave me a full glance, her eyes probing me. _They __enrapture __me, __your __eyes, __having __the __depth __of __the __truly __wise. __Oh, __how __I __wish __you __would __talk __to __me, __share __your __wisdom, __TELL __ME __STORIES. _But the only thing we did was to sit quietly together.

"Ah, I should be going back, it gets a bit chilly now. Will you do me the honour of walking me back to the trees? There the men will show up soon to pick me up and carry me home".

_Yes, __please, __elder. __Place __your __hand __on __my __head, __I __will __steady __you_. But how is it that she had not lectured me, and went off now? Does one ever understand an elder?

We had arrived. "Bye now, Toothless. Thank you for walking me over. Bye! Ah, by the way, I have been wondering: how is it that Hiccup lost his foot? I could never figure that one out. But, off you go now, off you go!"

And off I went. Behind me I heard the men come. A strong one would pick her up and carefully carry her back. I would carry her to the village on my back, if she just could hold on to something.  
><em>Ah <em>_no! __NO. __She __has __you, __you __stupid! __This __is __how __humans __do __it. __They __do __a __bit __of __this, __talk __a __bit __of __that __and __they __have __you __curled __up __at __their __feet. __It__'__s __infuriating! _Hiccup got me in such a way, scribbling a bit in the sand, having me engaged and GONE sane judgement. _Aaorrrrr._

_You __be __a __bit __more __honest __though, __dragon, __this __is __beneath __you. __He __puzzled __you, __you __got __curious. __A __new __feeling __all __of __yourself __made __you __touch __his __outreached __hand. __That __was __your __own __doing, __and __not __his. __And __that __new __feeling __brought __wonders __to __your __heart. __You __are __not __being __fair. __Not __to __yourself. __Not __to __him!  
><em>The anger wore off. But as soon as it did, grief surfaced. _I __do __not __want __to __grieve. __Do __you __want __to __stay __angry __then, __to __keep __the __grief __away? _

Just to think of something else, I started to think about the elder's question. How was it that Hiccup lost his foot, anyway? We crashed, it was an accident. We, I, . . . I never thought about it really. How did it happen? He fell out of the sky into the roaring fire with two feet. I dived after him, grabbing him, folding my wings around him to protect him from the heat. Then we crashed, which he survived for I cushioned him. And after that, still holding him to my chest, one foot had been mangled so badly it had to be cut off. How?

I never gave that proper thought. I was badly bruised, then, and suddenly surrounded by many enemies. Or former enemies, it was all very confusing. Then, I just was very concerned about my friend being so badly wounded and staying unconscious for such a long time. I could not have been happier when he woke up at last. But now memories about the fall itself came back.  
>. . Then I remembered, finally realizing it. My head bowed down with shame: <em>I <em>_DID __THIS, __oh, __I __did __this __to __you. __Oh, __my __friend!_ I had grabbed for him with claws and fangs. My fangs caught him first. Only now do I hear, no, feel the snap.

Stricken, I slumped to the ground. How convenient it had been, not to remember. _Oh, __my __friend. __You __must __have __known __it __all __the __time __and __you __never __said __a __word. __You __never __accused __me. __No, __you __cared, __you __played __with __me, __you __tried __everything __to __make __me __fly __better. __You __were __happy __with __me, __with __my __friendship. __That __was __after __I __crippled __you. __I __owe __you __so __much. __Without __you __I __would __have __starved __to __death __in __that __cove __to __begin __with. __When __you __played __with __your __life __to __hand __me __over __a __fish. __And __I __would __never __have __flown __again. __You __restored __so __much __of __my __flight __to __me __with __your __flying __gear. __And __you __didn__'__t __steal __my __heart. __You __touched __it __and __held __me __in __respect. __I __wronged __you, __wronged __your __motives. __I __am __so __ashamed. _

_I __AM __SO __SORRY._

I will tell him. I must. Will he see me? He called after me, now I remember his desperate calls. So off I went to go back. First I ran, then I walked, then hesitated. How can I face him? But I must. One more turn, then I am back to the meadow and the house.


	3. Can you forgive me?

**Can you forgive me?**

There he stands, waiting, looking eagerly at the path out of the forest. "Toothless! Toothless!" I hear him scream. "You came back! Come to me, please. I am sorry, so very sorry. Be my friend again"_. _

_What? _I can hardly believe what I hear. _Yes, __I __would __like __that. __Like __that __so __much. __But __I __too __have __something __to __say __to __you. _I walked over to him, nudged his iron foot, and let my head hang low.

"What do you do? Will you not look at me?"

Again I nudged his foot. He did not understand. Then I put my fangs around his other leg and bit just a little. I heard him gasp, then he started to tremble. I let go and he slumped down on his knees, shaking.

I lay down flat, my head on the grass, eyes closed. _Please __lift __my __shame __off __me __for __I __cannot __look __at __you._

Now he understood. "My leg, you mean my foot! So, so . . . you know now. You realized it. It is forgiven, Toothless! You saved me! Look what I did to you as YOUR ENEMY. Can you ever forgive me?"

My head jerked up: _YES, __I __CAN. _I felt his arms and head fall on top of my head, his trembling not over yet.

"Oh, you came back, just like the elder said. She came by and told me that you would come, but that you still needed some time. And we are good again, GOOD."

_The __elder? __Incredible. __She __has __us __all. _But it slipped my mind as we got happier by the heartbeat.

Hiccup looked me in the eye and had started to rattle. "I thought for a moment you were going to bite off my other foot in retaliation. But I am stupid, you are a fine dragon. The finest. My best friend. Let me know, Toothless, please, when you are angry about something, or sad. Don't keep it inside you anymore".

_Yes, __I __will. __And __you __do __that __too, __for __you __did __not __let __me __know __either. __You __are __far __more __complicated __than __I __thought._

He rattled on: "You must have gone mad all this time in our village without any solitude. We'll find a solution. You can go into the woods any time you like, or, or, there is a little island nearby. Yes, with a stream full of fish. I could fly you there and return with Astrid on her dragon. Oh, Toothless, take all the time you need! And you must eat, I have fish ready. And about flying, maybe you want to fly at night as you are a dragon of the night."

_Yes, YES! Oh, to fly under moon and stars again. _

"And the elder told me that your pride is hurt. But do you even realise how very proud I am of you, how proud my people are? And your kind should be too: you released them from their cruel queen. You ended the war, you and me together, and Astrid an the others and the dragons they befriended. It's just, people are still daunted by your appearance. They do not feel comfortable with you. But people only now realise how much you lost, what it must mean to you, for the elder told them. Many of them went out in search for you. Give them a chance, Toothless. It needs time. We all need time to figure things out."

_He __.__. __he __understands __me. __Never __have __I __been __understood, __even __among __dragons. __Always __have __I __been __a __loner. __It __was __as __if __he __looked __inside __me __and __placed __his __hand __on __every __hurt, __every __need. __As __if __the __sun __had __come __down __to __shine __inside __me __and __everything __sparkled __in __answer. _I could not contain my happiness anymore, I ran around in circles, wings beating. Returning to him, setting off again, and returning to hear more words as Hiccup didn't stop rattling.

Until he silenced and looked a me with a bit of unease. I came to him, puzzled. "Toothless, there is one other thing. It could be difficult for you. Please hear me out?"

I sat down, suddenly worried.

"The thing is: people do not get to know you. You are the only Night Fury around, so they do not get to know the ways of your kind. They are uneasy about you".

_Yes, __I __have __noticed __that_.

"You noticed! I gave it much thought when you were gone. You seem to avoid everyone. You seem to . . cling to me. It's just, there are more people around that you can like and . . trust".

_Cling __to __.__. __trust __.__. _I got irritated. _Trust __is __hard, __my __friend. _

"Sorry, Toothless, I read your face, how can I speak to you about trust, I realize that. But can you find it in your heart to let go of the past? All in your own pace? The dragon Astrid befriended, and the other dragons that have been severely mistreated in the arena, they do not hold a grudge anymore".

_SO I DO? _

"Don't you, then?"

_It__'__s __just __.__. __trust __is __hard __for __me. __I __do __not __have __a __past __with __trust __in __it, __there __was __hardly __a __dragon __that __came __near __me. __You __were __the __first, __that __is __why __I __was __so __intrigued __and __why __you __are __so __special __to __me, __why __I __.__. __cling __to __you. __.__.__But __I __will __change __that. __Change __can __be __for __the __good, __I __know __that __now. __It __will __not __hurt __to __look __around __a __bit __more, __greet __people. __See __which __of __the __people __I __like, __or __that __would __.__. __come __to __me __.__. __and __.__. __touch __me __(that __is __difficult, __Hiccup, __help __me __with __that).  
><em>_.__.__But, __I __already __do __like __one: __the __elder! __And __Astrid __already __stroked __me __once. _

"I like what I see, my friend. And Astrid, how bad is she?"

_Bad! __Huh,__huh,__huh._

"Ha ha ha, you laugh, that's the spirit!"

Happiness took hold of me again.

Then suddenly Hiccup took my head and lifted it high so it made me sit upright. Then he knelt and rested his cheek and hands against my heart.

_What? __You __do __these __unexpected __things!_ But at once a beautiful feeling spread its wings, and soared through me. A most wonderful, soft glow, unlike any fire I know, spread throughout all of my body. It seemed to define me all over, fresh and new. It even seemed to include my missing tailfin, as if an after image glowed there. Wonderful, wonderful . . .

"Toothless?"

_What?_

"Are you all right?"

I must have drifted off. _YES __I __AM. __You __made __something __wonderful __just __happen. __Now __I __want __to __go __fly, __summersault __with __you __though __the __sky. __Only __I __am __light __in __my __head, __maybe __I __should __eat __your __fish __first. _

_Fish. _

_YES, that is what I will do: I will fish and hunt for myself again! Or do what I can, you will think of something to help me with that. And the first big juicy fish I will bring to the elder. I will bring her a beautiful fish so she knows . . or, maybe she guesses already! _

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